There are a lot of strange people in this world. Some of them make into bookshops and ask silly questions. Here are a selection of the most ‘omg-are-you-serious?’ questions and comments.
CUSTOMER: Did they make a film edition of the Bible when The Passion of the Christ came out? You know, the text of the Bible, but with Mel Gibson on the front cover?
CUSTOMER: Do you have an LGBT fiction section?
BOOKSELLER: We don’t have a specific section, but we do have LGBT literature – Sarah Waters, Jeanette Winterson etc Which author were you looking for?
CUSTOMER: Don’t worry, I’ll have a look through the fiction section – thanks for your help.
OTHER CUSTOMER: Sorry, did I hear you right? Did you just say that all the homosexual books are in with the normal fiction?
BOOKSELLER: All our fiction is one section.
(Other Customer looks suspiciously at the book she’s holding and slides it back on the shelf)
CUSTOMER (pondering): How much would a signed copy of the Bible be worth?
BOOKSELLER: Signed by whom?
CUSTOMER: Well…I don’t know. Not God, obviously. (Nervous laugh.) That would be silly…wouldn’t it?
CUSTOMER: Pride and Prejudice was published a long time ago, right?
CUSTOMER: I thought so. Colin Firth’s looking really good for his age, then.
WOMAN (holding a copy of a Weight Watchers book in one hand, and The Hunger Games in the other): Which of these diet books would you recommend most?
CUSTOMER (to her friend): What about this book? (holds up a copy of The Hobbit).
CUSTOMER: No. I don’t want to read that. It’ll spoil the film.
CUSTOMER: Do you have audiobooks on sign language?
CUSTOMER: I’d like to buy a book for my wife.
BOOKSELLER: Sure, what sort of book?
CUSTOMER: I don’t know. Something…pink? Women like pink stuff, right?
CUSTOMER: Urgh. Shakespeare. He’s everywhere, isn’t he? You can’t escape him. I wish he’d do us all a favour and just die already.
CUSTOMER: I’m looking for the fourth Fifty Shades of Grey book.
BOOKSELLER: There are only three in the series.
CUSTOMER: No, there are four. I saw it in another shop yesterday. It’s really big. It’s called Fifty Shades Trilogy.
BOOKSELLER: …That’s the box set.
CUSTOMER: Do you have a copy of Atonement? But not the film cover, please. Keira Knightley’s neck makes me want to punch things.